Comments on Week 7 (pre-screening) Cuts February 25, 2007
Posted by Norman in Notes.add a comment
First, these are simply my comments. I am acting as the quasi-director here, in order to make sure that there aren’t ten different films that are being cut, but don’t stop looking for your own tweaks, just because I’m making these. Keep looking to improve your cuts on your own.
SECTION ONE
Scene 1
Nice work on the titles. I am a bit troubled by the separation between David’s lips and the others. I also wish we began on lips, rather than on the name.
Note what the titles do to the images behind them. It speeds things along.
On David’ “So take me home” can you cut to Dana in the audience? Also, in this area, it would nice to go to the audience once or twice.
Can you speed up the beginning of the applause.
Begin the old guys voice over earlier over that pan of them.
Over the black can you put a title that says “Years later…” or something to better indicate passage of time. Maybe bring up traffic or something over the black. And then we hear, “I’m dyin’”
Scene 3-5
It takes a very long time to get to Dana’s entrance. Is there anything you can do to speed that along?
Can you get faster to his “Uh yeah.” I think then the long pause as he realizes he’s said something wrong, would be funnier.
Then, get back to her faster. Trim out a pause from his line if you need.
The “Will you tell me the truth…” line isn’t working quite yet. See what happens if you add a bit to the end of Dana’s shot so he doesn’t say anything on camera when you cut back to him, until the truth line.
Faster on “I love you/I love you more”
Not in this cut, but be prepared to put back the bit where he tells Dana he’s going to meet his friends.
Scene 9
Can you get to Sheila’s “What do you have to say?” much faster. Right now she should be much angrier. AS the scene builds, she should get shorter and shorter with him and let him take the pauses.
Try losing “Have a nice life.”
Her “Good bye” should be on camera.
Once she leaves and he is confronted with the Homeless Man, THAT is when he should get faster on his deliveries. Use the cutaways to tighten up as much as you can. Look for the fastest takes.
The match from the Homeless Man looking down at his shoes, to the reverse angle onto Richard pops.
The Homeless Man backing up – there’s a whole bunch at the top of that shot where he doesn’t move back. See if it’s funnier when you start him backing up immediately.
Cut to the old folks quicker – as soon as he notices them. Then, it seems that the joke at the end is falling flat. Can you cut back to him saying nothing? Or just for the “Nice day” stuff? And try it without the exit.
Scene 11
Can you overlap this music a tiny bit with the chants from Scene 10?
Scene 13
I know it’s a cheat. But what would happen if you trimmed the top of the insert shot so it’s already open and David only puts the cup into the drive.
I think a tail trim on the insert might also be good. Maybe no more than a half second or so.
The laughing guy seems a bit big for the line. Can you have him react to “Big Gulp”. I also think he’s in there a few too many times.
Final shot of David. Try it without the exit and a bit of a head trim so we get to David’s reaction quicker.
SECTION TWO
Remember to put an Academy countdown on everything you do, along with bars and tone.
Scene 14-15
There should be a shot of Spooner entering the building. Add that in to the top of your cut. Also, use the Gregorian chant music that Sabi has been using earlier.
Can you cut off the receptionist faster so she doesn’t have the weird final look?
You spend too much time on Tammy as she is first introducing herself to him. Play a bit more of the scene on Spooner.
The place where Ted is looking at Tammy as he’s exiting is a good cut point to her. It motivated the cut better.
See if you can lose the shot of Tammy taking her hair down, and come to her entrance directly from her stare after Spooner.
MONTAGE
Begin the music over Ted’s reaction to Spooner with Tammy and carry it as long as you can.
The, don’t fade out, fade in to the montage.
This montage is overlong right now. See how you can trim it down (along with trimming the music too, I’m sure). For instance, when Will looks at the mic, you’ve got three shots in there. Can you do it in fewer? When do we understamd the joke?
The David coffee cup stuff could use some trims as well.
I know that it’s different than the script but the Richard stuff is odd split up that way. See what happens if you put the two pieces together. You also don’t need as much on the tail after the money is stolen.
Then the shots of the others singing – I think they’d make more sense after you show Ted singing. I also think cutting to Ted right as he sings “After today” is great. It would be great to make that the first time we see them singing.
I know the problem with the footage but it’s very odd to spend so much time in the flashback. Let’s begin the voice over while you’re in the present day at Lincoln Center and let the voice over overlap into the flashback.
Also, try and eliminate any of the out of sync singing. Or at least get to it as
A bit too much on Will when we get back to the present. Can you jumble it up a bit?
Can you trim off some of the exit at the end. It takes a long time.
Scene 27
Don’t go to black in between these scenes.
“Is there anyone you won’t sleep with?” sounds off mic.
Get to “Ted, can I visit you tomorrow?” quicker. Big head trim on Richard’s shot.
Go right from “packin’ 8-1/2” right to “Who cares?”
Look to see about speeding up the stuff between the guys, so you can open up the pauses before Greg’s announcement.
It will require some re-editing before it, but I think we need to see Greg say “sing at our service” since it’s what the movie is about. Same thing with “It’s really important to me… best friends.” Make sure that we, as an audience, get all of that.
Would we lose some of the camaraderie if we eliminated the boys “The Lodge!!” and went right to Richard’s line?
Drop Will’s “good witch/bad witch” line.
Trim the end of the scene way down.
Scene 29-30
The wide shot of the car driving goes on waaaaay too long. Play some of the dialogue from Steven in the car with the Spanish tape over the car wide shot and trim it down.
Add a sound effect of a cel phone ringing in the car.
It seems like the “Shut Up” doesn’t work yet. Can we see Steven begin to say it more?
Let’s see Steven say “asshole’s wedding”
The joke with the “bush” isn’t there yet. Can you tighten up the audio, and cut across to Steven for David’s last line (“Latino hooker”).
Lose Steven’s “ah ha” and go right to “Uhhh… look I gotta go” with his smiling face.
Put David’s “getting any pussy” on camera.
No fade out at the end.
SEQUENCE THREE
MONTAGE
The music cut is rather obvious. Can you smooth it out?
Also, let’s think about treating this montage a little like the lips at the beginning – using split screen or picture in picture or something like that.
Scene 35-36
Can you get Richard beginning to move forward before the collision.
Is the wide shot there for the piece where Richard sticks his head out of the sun roof?
The transition to scene 37 is difficult. Any help here would be appreciated.
Scene 37
Everyone is staring at the house and I want to see the house. Can you cheat a point of view in here?
Scene 38-41
The entrance of the music is rather abrupt and I hear the music cut in it.
Scene 42-43
Can you get to the guys on the porch watching along during the Will/Spooner interchange somewhere?
You could use some titens throughout this scene.
Can we seem the transition before Julep’s “Just kidding.”
I feel the need for some music as the groups starts to exit the porch.
Scene 44-49
The cut off of Richard to Will seems rather abrupt.
Rear Butts – this is good work, though not really well acted. Can you show a bit more of Will reacting to her understanding of the joke.
You should remember to smooth out the audio cuts before Wednesday – no dropouts.
The final surf shot doesn’t really do anything for me.
SEQUENCE FOUR
Don’t forget to put your name, date, version number and sequence number on the edge of your tape as well.
Also, the slate goes BEFORE the Academy countdown. The countdown should lead into the actual picture.
Scene 51
Try the “How adventuresome” reading.
Scene 52
When Steven is looking at the tv, let;’s see what he’s seeing. You can overlap some of Richard’s next line over the television.
I can’t tell that Richard is humping Steven in the close-ups. Drop back to the wide, or the joke with Julep isn’t going to work.
You also need to get to Steven’s apology to Elsa quicker.
Lose Richard’s “That’s your nanny” and beging with “Michelle lets…”
The final joke of Spooner staring at the television doesn’t work right now. Put some of the television show sound in there to helop remind us of that. Maybe there’s some cheesy Discovery Channel music that goes over the scene that you can raise or lower to make your point.
Scene A52-C52
I don’t think the prelap of the Steven dialogue helps you here.
Try and create a tiny bit more overlap around the “You’re telling me this now…” area.
Cutting to David right on his first note is odd.
Having Elsa in there is helpful, though I’d look at where you cut it in a bit more. The first shot seems a bit early, and then you seem to do it a bit too much. See if you can get Richard to notice her.
When you first go the flashback, I wonder if holding on the trees area a bit more, to get him doing the trombone might not help the cut.
Lose the “Let’s have lunch” line.
Scene 53
After Michelle announces the food, can we get a reaction from Trish? You might need to be in tighter on Michelle to make that joke work.
We’re on Spooner a long time for his wormhole line. Can you get to a reaction shot (or two??) and then back to him for “And what do you do?”
The joke about what Ted does isn’t quite working yet. When Richard starts to fall asleep a second time, can’t you cut around to him? Also, Elsa’s reaction feels in isolation. It would be good to play some of the Richard/Ted lines over here.
The “ATM/weiner” joke isn’t working yet either. It might work better cut a little straighter, so you’re on her for “ATM” and then back to her for “weiner”. You also seem to hold a long time after “weiner”. Doesn’t anyone else at the table have reactions to the joke.
Getting to Will’s description is rough. Maybe if you prelapped his lines over someone else and then cut to him.
Titer on “nah, it’s cool.”
You’re also holding too long on the Dana/Steven shot to make the jokes work. Do you have anybody’s reaction to “documentary stuff” that you could cut to. Then cut away again for “Vanna White’s life” and let that drop like a lead balloon among the group. Then he identifies the title and Dana and others can’t believe it. Then I think you need to open up some time (with some reactions) to the Sisyphus story and, after the beats, drop the “Plus she’s hot” line in there. Also, try and leave some time before Will’s reaction to that line. Make this fairly awkward and Will is trying to help Steven out here.
Sound wise – keep some of the laughter and ambience going around “Martha Stewart on steroids” line. Also, try losing the “Queer” part of that line and get out just for the punch line.
Head trim on “Just PR”
Head trim before “actually it’s liberating.”
Nice laughing in reaction to “tar”. Is there a wide shot that might act as punctuation here. It’s been a while. Make sure you keep Will trying to save Michelle.
The toasts and after that can be picked up in pace.
I don’t think you need to see everyone’s reaction to the orgasm. Once again, is there a wide shot that you can use here?
Prelpa, “no it’s okay” from Elsa.
Once again, I don’t think you need everyone’s reactions to Elsa’s line. Just choose the funniest ones and leave the rest on the cutting room floor.
No fade out at the end.
SEQUENCE FIVE
Scene 54
No fade up.
Cut over to Richard faster for “surprise you”
The reaction to “gang bang” seems slow.
The “supernova” lines in the wide shot are off mic. Are there any closeup readings you can cheat in.
Trish’s fart gag seems overdone.
Scene 56-68
Let’s go back to the way this scene is scripted – show David sleeping first before you show his fantasy.
The David fantasy seems a bit long. So does Ted’s. In fact, everything looks a bit over cut here. You don’t have to trim it way down this time, but be prepared to do it after the screening.
Can you add some sound effects for Ted getting kneed.
For richard’s fantasy – doesn’t he offer Elsa his cell phone in one take. Can you get to that without spending a lot of extra time.
I don’t get why Spooner’s frog falls down. Can you do it without that? Also, keep the music going over the wide shot of the house and into the next scene.
Scene 72
Can you get to all of their “Good morning” faster.
Get to Elsa’s reaction to his fall quiker.
Get off of “What size are your feet?” faster.
Most of this scene can be tightened up.
Get out of the scene once he says “I can walk, I’m sure I can run” and the BOOM, right into scene 73.
Scene 73
Likewise here, I don’t think you need to have him start walking away. Just a little bit of hitchhiking will probably sell a joke.
Scene 74
Rather than begin with the car pullup why not begin with the group reading? It makes more sense. Then have the sound of the car pulling in and you can motivate the cut to the car.
The greetings seems a little slow. Can you look at taking some trims.
You need to cut around to Steven faster around “3000 miles”.
Michelle’s “Steven!” should come sooner. Maybe over the wide shot.
Look at some trims along the area after Michelle yells at Steven. Get in and out of Trish faster. Add back in the piece where Steven starts to follow Michelle (I think we need to know that he’s trying to patch things up). Then look at trimming down the Richard/Elsa bit as well, if possible.
SEQUENCE SIX
Scene 80-82
Waiting until late to drop in the wide shot is a bit odd. Let’s see how it looks on the big screen. It may be fine.
Can you cut away from Greg right before he throws the Frisbee to build the suspence. Then back to him.
There is a shot of the Frisbee hitting the golf flag pole which will help sell this. Use it.
I don’t think you need the second Frisbee throw. You can pick up the shot right for “You know what she is…”
Can you get to “see that’s the problem” faster?
After David tells Greg why he won’t chicken out, I’d like to see Greg and maybe one or two of the others in closeup. Then, there’s actually a funny bit where Richard puts the beer helmet straw in his mouth before pulling out. See if you can work that in.
The shot of the other gold twosome would work better if you showed one of our guys throwing the Frisbee first.
The stuff of David getting high that could motivate some of the sillier stuff in this montage, so see about working it in much earlier.
The other twosome is odd spread out over the entire montage. Try and keep that chase stuff together.
I’m wondering if you could start thinking about using some of the split screen stuff that Sabi was experimenting with in the opening lips montage, to help this area get more energy.
Scene A83
The inserts of the timeline are odd. I had given you a bunch of notes a few weeks ago. Make sure you go over them.
You could also take a look at this scene from the point of view of pacing it up – expecially once Julep starts talking to them.
When he shows the four inches to Julep show her earlier.
Also, cheat the closeup Julep readings into her wide shots.
Scene 84
The cut to David around “Right here right now” seems rather abupt. What Dana is saying is important, but we need to see more of David reacting to her more.
Cu to the couple in the window earlier – as she notices them. You’re also on them for a long time. Speed up this scene a bit more. Also, when David looks at them at the end of the scene, insert of shot of the most loving part of their dance. This is the beginning of his thought process.
SEQUENCE SEVEN
Scene A84
Is there any more of them singing that you could prelap over the closeup shot of David sitting?
Can you prelap a tiny bit of Richard’s line “I didn’t think…”?
Get to “Did we just toast to penises” faster.
Lose the last shot.
Scene 87
Are there any shots of Dana listening to Michelle talk about being ready?
Too long on Steven/Micehlle after “down for the count”
Before Julep offers to dance with Trish, can you slip in one more shot of Ted who is refusing to dance.
A few trims would be good – Trish doesn’t need to drink the entire drink that the bar tender gives her. I’d also like to check in a bit more frequently with him as she grinds the trucker.
When Ted looks back at everyone as they’re going outside, is there something you can cut to of the group.
Soften the slap sound outside.
When the group all comes out, make sure that the music gets pumped up a bit more.
Scene 94
The boys arrival at the house seems a bit abrupt. Can you show anything more of them pulling up.
The siren shouldn’t overlap into the next scene.
Scene 96
The Big Scary Guy takes a long time to come in, and there’s a protracted bit of business of everybody reacting. Can you tighten all of that up?
Why does he ask about Barry Manilow? I would think that he saw something in David that wanted him to sing. So, perhaps, a cut back to David would work there.
I miss a shot or two of the Big Scary Guy in the middle, as the boys get into it. Also, during the solo of “Yeah, it’s cold in jail.”
SEQUENCE EIGHT
Don’t forget to put your name, sequence, date, version on the spine of video as well as the top.
Scene 97
Once Dana starts ripping into them, you should cut into the titer shots of the boys, while she’s yelling. Especially David. Don’t keep cutting back to the wide shot of them. It’s odd to see her in close and never them.
Let’s see the “501” on camera, in order to sell the jokes.
Scene 99
The Spooner reaction to anally raped seems to be one way longer than it needs to be.
There should be a silence before David asks “What’s that sound?” Let’s try and make that joke work somehow.
You don’t need Trish waving as the guys leave.
I miss some music or something, as Trish gets up and into the skinny dipping scene.
Scene 100-102
We’re on Ted for a very long time. Can you cut from him to the wide shot of the boys in the water, and then back to him for his exit.
On the walk, try and lose some of the top of Will and Julep, and begin on her shivering sound.
I don’t get Elsa’s “I’m sorry” because it’s so far away from David and Dana’s fight.
David should have a reaction to Elsa’s “I like that”.
Scene 104
Before Trish’s entrance, the cuts can be trimmed down.
Scene 105-112
The shot of the gun case if on for a very very long time before Ted enters. Everything around here is a bit too protracted. Does Ted need to enter the exterior scene.
I feel the need for some support at the top of this scene. Some music. Some distrant sound effects that shape around the emotions.
I know that we’re missing scenes here. Make sure that you use a real gun sound when it goes off.
SECTION NINE
Scene 114-115
I find the fast pan to the top of the house to be completely unmotivated. Try beginning just on the house (music might be ending, coming from the preceding scene) and prelapping some of Richard’s dialogue over the exterior.
Tree Guy should jump on Richard’s insult faster. You don’t need to reposition Richard that much.
See if you can lose David’s “Not at all” and get right to his turn back to Richard.
The tree guy chasing gag doesn’t quite work yet. He should react faster to the “chipper” line. Then, let’s see him start to run, so we can motivate Richard taking off.
Lose the fade out/fade in and figure out some other way of connecting the scenes.
Scene 118
Let us see what Trish sees before she says “Oh, he came back.”
The music here is almost inaudible at the beginning. Try and adjust the volume so we know it’s there without being overwhelmed by it.
Also, try and cut back to the group or to Spooner coming up to the patio before they hug. Then cut back to the hug. That means, pretty much, one more intercut between the two groups.
I’m not sure what the music is trying to say here.
Scene 121
There are a few too many pauses here.
Scene 122
The gag with the elderly lady doesn’t work. You probably need to play out the women laughing at Trish for a bit more and then, at the end, cut to the elderly lady. Then look for the funniest reaction of the women and put that in.
Scene 124-126
Beging this scene with the door banging open.
In the bedroom, the dialogue from the guys seems way to run together. There’s no pausing for any kind of laughs. For instance, I’d like to see “You’re a douche. You’re a dirtbag” all on camera, then cut to Greg for a beat to see how he’s going to react. Same thing in one or two places earlier. Find the jokes and let them play.
Their dialogue seems muffled to me.
SEQUENCE TEN
Scene 127
This music should probably begin over the last scene in section nine.
Try putting the marriage dialogue very low under the music to give some sense of the reality.
The “Don’t let this happen to you” repeat is interesting, but the camerawork starts to bother me after a bit. Can you trim it back.
The music is rather indeterminate at times – very low and not particularly strong in terms of emotional choice.
I’d like to see a reaction or two before “glasses high”. Do you have anything of David?
Scene 129
Before they start singing, David has an exit from his announcement. Do you need it.
Can you hold off a tiny bit on the voice over. Then I’d look at having a face of Dana and start the v.o.
Watch out for the out of sunc stuff in the flashback.
See if you can find matching dolly moves to cut between flashback and present day.
You’re right, we need some music for the slo-mo stuff.
Scene 130
Don’t go to black. It’s going to feel like an ending, and this film already has three endings. Try and unite these scenes.
The music is interesting, but it’s on for too short a time.
Trish/Julep – I actually miss the stuff from Trish about seeing Julep around more often. I wouldn’t hang onto that shot for any longer, but I wonder if you can find someplace to come back to it.
The vomit joke is completely telegraphed in that low angle shot. Why don’t you cut into it much later – right before the vomit, for instance.
Head trim on “She’s never seen New York”
Make sure we hear the “Shut up” as they pull away.
No cut to black.
Scene 132
The establishing New York shot you use is actually meant for the end of the film, as we pull out of the window.
Use Frank Sinatra here, for the music. Get it from scene 84.
We don’t need these end titles, since there are going to be real head titles. We will an end title of some kind, so put a title slug at the end for the entire length of your end music.
Notes from Class 7 (Bethe’s in-class notes) February 23, 2007
Posted by Norman in Notes.add a comment
For next week
Make sure version 199 in own folder with you sequence number followed by your name and the version number
i.e. If you are Gordon, editing sequence 10, you name your sequence the following: 10_smith_v199
Problematic areas.
Create and shape the stories more – can be accomplished by trimming more – so timing is better.
Ted comes through clearly (kinda)
From Beth – ‘Shut up” seems contrived.
Why? It is running gag in film – so gotta figure out how to make it work. Maybe in this scene we don’t need all these group words – shut up/ the lodge/ camero/ etc. don’t need always to be a wide shot. But we should see if we can keep this gag running for now. Lets look at this as not the title of the film but more of a college days thing. If we can get humor out of these things lets do it – if not….ie on phone call in car maybe try it a different way – seemed a little weird with the overlap cut.
Norm – improv stuff is not really working – can the editing help that by trimming and cutting?
Music
– syncing the slow mo stuff is a problem it doesn’t feel right. From stylistic point of view – if you are going to play something out of sync – maybe do it off of the people that are “remembering” it.
May want to cut parts of the song.
What is point of flashback scenes?
Tim – this spot particular – ted is happy – so he isn’t thinking about all his other crap – why is he happy? No trish ☺
Value of flashback is accenting the theme – guys who look back at old days as good days and how did we get here to this present – thus it’s the “meat” of the film.
Gordon – this is the first time we see them all together since the very beginning of the film.
Why this song at this point? Come from him being fired “after to day” lyrics important – pay attn on cuts.
Next week we will take a look at are dissolves the only way or best way to get into these flashbacks – and if so – maybe the lips want to dissolve – one set into another – how can we have style introduced and have it follow all through the film
Comments from Week 6 February 22, 2007
Posted by Norman in Notes.1 comment so far
Bethe’s Notes From Class 6
Reactions –
Wendy – Fun to watch – a lot richer. Feels like the scenes and movie has more of a purpose now
John – jokes are set up in repition (brought back from previous scenes)
Tim – things that were brought about that didn’t seem to stick out previously (i.e. no context for Michele being scared about taking care of baby)
Where are the holes?
1. Trish in the hallway says “I am more impressed with that girl every day” but we haven’t seen that growth yet.
2. some of the death (spooner) stuff is a tension but doesn’t seem to carry through and how it is changing.
a. how would we like to use the death? Does it have a thruline?
Ted is strong and has connection to death.
Timeline scene
3. seems the 2nd half is stronger than first. (when we get out to the hamptons)
a. Why?
Takes a long time to get out to the hamptons (both script and pacing issue)
Scenes that are hard to edit we must consider what the point of that scene is
So take for example apartment scene
Plot reasons – reason to get to hamptons and need to sing at end
Guys by themselves – all together
Aspect of humor and reactions to each other
For next week.
Experiment with your cuts – don’t be brutal. (whole scenes will go later)
We will try to pull out the humor more (experiment!)
Please put music in.
See how well you can cheat dialogue from close up to wide shot.
Let’s think about
1) scene transitions
a. hard ones – from stop sigh to house in hamptons
b. sometimes fades will work – sometimes not. (music will be helpful)
2) tone – where can we be funny/in the actors heads
3) clean up some dialogue
from Bethe
1) watch audio levels
CTPR 556 2012 